Recent statements by university presidents suggest a heavy reliance by private universities on the Supreme Court’s First Amendment jurisprudence to resolve campus speech controversies. That reliance is facially puzzling, as most private universities are not bound by that jurisprudence. This Essay hypothesizes that private universities may be choosing to follow First Amendment case law because that choice allows them to outsource thorny issues of content moderation to the Supreme Court. In arguing that private universities can and should make a more active choice in this domain, this Essay looks to an experiment conducted by the private corporation Meta (formerly Facebook) in creating a court-like body called the Oversight Board. Meta’s experiment aspires to task this credible institution with interpreting a credible body of law through a series of credible, public, and reasoned opinions. This Essay suggests that private universities should consider creating analogous bodies to strike a more independent and considered balance between speech and other values such as dignity and equality.